in my way. — Ah Annette, you see what a wretch I am. That I
have thrown away what might have been the means of making thee
happy. Though I don't know. My ideas of my fathers property
were too extensive; but thou now knowest all. Ah Annette, I fear
I fear, I fear. Fool that I was, not to adhere to my first plan, un-
-til more certainty was at hand. I could not rest till I had drawn
you into the same nett [sic] and surrounded you with fears, doubts, and
distreƒses; — but I will say no more upon this subject till I hear
from thee again. — After relating some circumstances to my father
about my present prospects and employments, I also add "you must
"allow that the subjects upon which my mind is in suspense, and my
employments together, must occupy the most of my attention; and be-
— "sides these, there is another subject with which you are as yet un-
— "acquainted that forces no little share to itself; this, if it becomes
"neceƒsary I shall inform you of in due time." So far I have ac-
-quainted my father of our correspondence; and sought to have in-
-formed you before, that my friend Thomas is pretty intimately ac-
-quainted with it. Thou canst best tell what extracts from this letter
may be neceƒsary for thy mother to have given to her; to aƒsist her in
forming her opinion of our correspondence. The letter itself is of so
tender a nature, that no eye but thine ought to see it; but by all means
let every thing be fairly and properly understood. Now my dear
Annette, I stand by myself; neither expecting or meaning to take
for any thing from my father. I have my commiƒsion, and I have
friends that will better it in time. Fortune may favour me, or
may turn her back upon me. — Heaven knows. I have in-
integrity, and my friends say some ability, and this is all
that I have to depend upon. I trust to nobody but myself.
The little knowledge I have of the world tells me, that there are
more broken reeds than oaken staves in it, I will therefore depend
upon none of them.
      I would enter into some disuaƒsion upon thy
idea that "an interview may crush the fabrick [sic] of our hopes",
but am almost under too much concern — but it will not, An-
-nette. Thou art not deformed, neither am I. I wish indeed thou
wast bigger and stronger for two reasons; but I know what thou
art in these respects, and I love thee. The strength and greatneƒs of
thy mind make ten thousand compensations. Adieu my love, my